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BETSY:
Why are all Shakespeare plays all named for men?
GLORIA:
Yeah. Take "Macbeth" for instance. It’s more about
Macbeth’s wife, isn’t it?
MAXWELL:
And I suppose you’d like something more politically correct?
GLORIA:
Sure, why not? "Lady Macbeth’s Excellent Adventure."
BETSY:
It has a nice ring to it.
JB: (Smirks.)
How about, "Mrs. Hamlet and Her Clinically Depressed Offspring"?
MAXWELL:
"How Cleopatra Got Her Groove Back."
BETSY: (Joins
the fun.) "Little Sally Caesar Has a Really Bad Hair
Day." (Quick look to GLORIA, who boils.) Sorry.
MAXWELL:
You can’t turn Shakespeare into a chick flick, Gloria. Face it,
women just aren’t as interesting as men.
JB:
Hey, Betsy. Weren’t you saying the other day you’d like to
do something from "The Taming of the Shrew"?
BETSY: (Skeptical.) Yeah.
JB:
You up for Act Two, scene one?
BETSY:
I think so.
JB:
Great. Now we’re going to need a door for this scene.
Gloria&ldots; (Wiggles finger at her.)
GLORIA: (Fuming.)
A door?
JB: (Places
GLORIA near CENTER, then places her arms above her head to make an
arch. To GLORIA.) Ah, ah, ah. There are no small parts...
MAXWELL:
...only small minds.
JB: (To
MAXWELL.) You, too, stage boy. This door is double hung.
(Places
MAXWELL to the side of GLORIA, then places MAXWELL’S arms above
his head. They each make a side of a double door by standing with
their right shoulders touching, facing the STAGE or PLAYING AREA. )
Perfection.
(Demonstrates
the "door" that is MAXWELL and GLORIA. They swing forward
or backward to "open" and "close" like a saloon
door, spinning on their heals. JB "opens" and
"closes" it with a "skreeech," the sound of
creaky door hinges.)
No
slamming.
MAXWELL:
I’ll make you pay, my friend. Mark my words.
JB: (To
BETSY.) Ready?
BETSY: Ready.
JB:
Places, everyone! Pay close attention, Gloria. You may learn something.
(For
the following scene from "The Taming of the Shrew," ACTORS
assume the following roles: JB as PETRUCHIO, BETSY as KATHERINE and
MAXWELL and GLORIA as the "door." JB crosses UPSTAGE as
BETSY/KATE is in a huff and marches through the door. MAXWELL and
GLORIA skreech every time PETRUCHIO or KATE move through the
"door." JB/PETRUCHIO follows KATE through the door and
"closes" it. Speaks as PETRUCHIO.)
Good
morrow, Kate, for that’s your name, I hear.
BETSY/KATHERINE:
Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing: They call me
Katherine that do talk of me.
JB/PETRUCHIO:
You lie, in faith! For you are call’d plain Kate,
KATHERINE: Indeed?!
PETRUCHIO:
And bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst; But Kate, the prettiest
Kate in Christendom.
(KATHERINE
softens, liking what she hears. PETRUCHIO become bold and grabs her,
then tries to waltz with her across the STAGE.)
Kate
of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate, For dainties are all Kates, and
therefore, Kate, (Becomes suddenly serious and drops down on one knee.)
Take this of me, Kate of my consolation—
Hearing
thy mildness prais’d in every town,
Thy
virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,
Yet
not so deeply as to thee belongs,
Myself
am mov’d to woo thee for my wife.
KATHERINE:
Mov’d! In good time! Let him that mov’d you hither remove
you hence. (Moves to "door," "opens" it and
begins to step through, but PETRUCHIO stops her and pulls her away
from the "door." Angry.) I knew you at the first you
were a moveable.
PETRUCHIO: (Slams
"door" shut.) Why, what’s a moveable?
KATHERINE:
A join’d-stool.
PETRUCHIO:
Though hast hit it! (Gets down on all fours.) Come sit on me!
KATHERINE:
Asses are made to bear, and so are you. (Gives his rump a push
with her foot.)
PETRUCHIO: (Falls.)
Women are made to bear, and so are you.
KATHERINE:
No such jade as you, if me you mean.
PETRUCHIO:
Alas, good Kate, I will not burden thee! For knowing thee to be but
young and light—
KATHERINE:
Too light for such a swain as you to catch, and yet as heavy as my
weight should be.
PETRUCHIO:
Should be! Should—buzz!
KATHERINE:
Well taken, and like a buzzard.
PETRUCHIO:
O, slow-winged turtle! Shall a buzzard take thee?
KATHERINE:
Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard.
PETRUCHIO:
Come, come, you wasp! In faith, you are too angry.
KATHERINE:
If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
PETRUCHIO:
My remedy is then to pluck it out.
KATHERINE:
Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies.
PETRUCHIO:
Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.
KATHERINE:
In his tongue.
PETRUCHIO:
Whose tongue?
KATHERINE:
Yours, if you talk of tales, and so farewell. (Goes to
"open" door. MAXWELL and GLORIA open.)
PETRUCHIO: (Slams
them shut.) What, with my tongue in your tail? Nay, come again,
Good Kate; I am a gentleman—
KATHERINE:
That I’ll try. (Strikes him.)
PETRUCHIO:
I swear I’ll cuff you if you strike again.
KATHERINE:
So may you lose your arms. If you strike me, you are no gentleman!
And if no gentleman, why then no arms?
MAXWELL:
Speaking of arms... (He and GLORIA drop their arms and shake them
from exhaustion. PETRUCHIO and KATHERINE are too busy to notice.)
PETRUCHIO:
A herald, Kate? O, put me in thy books!
KATHERINE:
What is your crest? A coxcomb?
PETRUCHIO:
A combless cock, so Kate will be my hen.
The
Scene from Taming a Shrew continues...
Note:
This is a sample from the actual script. To review the entire
play, order the PERUSAL SCRIPT (online instant download).
