(GURU GUYS move aside and hold
their arms out to gesture the way toward the MASTER GURU.
MASTER GURU sits on a rock, legs crossed yoga style. His head
is bowed.)
MASTER GURU:
I have been waiting for you.
HAIRYTOES:
You have?
MASTER GURU:
I have observed the long history of dragons in your country. Once
there were many. Now there are none.
WIDGET:
Why? Why do all dragons have to be destroyed?
MASTER GURU:
Not all. Some may live.
HAIRYTOES:
What do we have to do?
MASTER GURU:
You must train your dragon, following my three easy steps. I
have written a handbook.
(MASTER GURU hands the book to WIDGET.)
Many have travelled far to receive
this gift. Only you have held it in your hands. Next
year, of course, it will be available on Amazon.
(WIDGET opens the book.)
MASTER GURU and GURU GUYS:
(Dramatically,
holding up one finger.)
Step one.
WIDGET:
(Reading,
trailing his finger along the words in the book.)
Hold your dragon.
MASTER GURU and GURU GUYS:
(Holding up two fingers.)
Step two.
WIDGET:
(Turns page, reading.)
Protect your dragon.
MASTER GURU and GURU GUYS:
(Holding up three fingers.)
Step three.
WIDGET:
(Turns page,
looks up.)
There's nothing there.
MASTER GURU:
If you succeed with steps one and two, you will finally learn the
secret of...
(MASTER GURU and GURU GUYS each
raise three fingers and speak together.)
MASTER GURU and GURU GUYS:
Step three!
MASTER GURU:
Be brave, Widget. For this is your adventure!
(OPTIONAL SOUND: Gong!
This can be played on a real gong while GURU sitar music plays.
GURU GUYS turn their backs and
stand shoulder to shoulder, hiding MASTER GURU. They exit.
SOUND CUE ENDS.
MAGNIFICENT MAGGIE enters.
OPTIONAL TRANSITION:
HAIRYTOES #2 exits, HAIRYTOES #3 enters and continues to end of play.)
MAGNIFICENT MAGGIE:
And so the boys rushed back to the cave to begin Mortimer's training!
(OPTIONAL
TRANSITION:
MORTIMER #3 enters.
MORTIMER enters, crossing in
front of WIDGET and HAIRYTOES, in a huff.)
MORTIMER:
No, no, no, no! I won't have it! Teach me the warrior
ways of the ancient Greeks! Teach me the violence of
Renaissance literature! But you will never teach me to fight
like a dog, never!
WIDGET:
But there's no other way, Mortimer.
HAIRYTOES:
It's for your own good!
MORTIMER:
Savage medicine.
WIDGET:
Now it says here. (Reading.)
Hold your dragon. This can be easily done if you can calm him
down and knock some sense into him.
MORTIMER:
Crudely worded.
WIDGET:
(Reading.)
Stroke his tail.
(HAIRYTOES strokes his tail etc.
as it is read.)
MORTIMER:
(Giggling.)
That tickles.
WIDGET:
(Reading.)
Pat his head.
MORTIMER:
Watch the petunia.
WIDGET:
(Reading.)
And whisper sweet nothings in his ear.
(HAIRYTOES whispers in his
ear. MORTIMER goes all squishy with joy, rolls around and
stretches like a kitten.)
HAIRYTOES:
Widget! I think he's purring!
WIDGET:
It says here. (Reading.)
Purring is a good sign.
(HAIRYTOES rubs MORTIMER's
tummy. MORTIMER gurgles with delight.)
Now, you must catch him when he is
off his guard.
(WIDGET gestures to HAIRYTOES to
go around to MORTIMER's tail and hold on.)
And deliver a swift and exacting insult.
(WIDGET goes to MORTIMER'S ear,
lifts it and yells into it.)
Your mother wears army boots!
(MORTIMER jumps up with a flash
of anger!)
MORTIMER:
I beg your pardon, sir!
WIDGET:
I bet you can't breathe fire, you wussy cupcake dragon!
MORTIMER:
Why you little...
HAIRYTOES:
Fire, Mortimer! You can do it!
(MORTIMER hisses at HAIRYTOES!)
WIDGET:
More!
(MORTIMER hisses harder at
WIDGET. They react to heat of fire.)
Now hurl an insult, Mortimer!
MORTIMER:
(Angry.)
This is highly irregular!
WIDGET:
It's got to be meaner!
MORTIMER:
(Angrier.)
I find you most unpleasant!
WIDGET:
Meaner! And you've got to use poetry!
MORTIMER:
(Furious.)
Roses are red, violets are cute, If you don't take it back I'll kick
your patoot!
WIDGET:
Hold on Hairytoes!
(MORTIMER flails his arms around
not being able to reach WIDGET because HAIRYTOES has him by the
tail. HAIRYTOES jumps high back and forth as if the tail is
hurling him back and forth.)
Hold him!
(ALL are shouting and groaning
with the effort. WIDGET jumps this way and that as MORTIMER
flails. Finally MORTIMER is exhausted and falls.
HAIRYTOES and WIDGET fall to ground, breathless.)
HAIRYTOES:
We did it!
WIDGET:
(Reading.)
Congratulations. You have successfully completed step
one. You have Held Your Dragon!
(OLD FOLKS enter.
OPTIONAL TRANSITION:
WIDGET #5 exits, WIDGET #6 enters.)
VENERABLE VAN:
Just then, from the distant hills, the boys could hear the kingdom
erupt in excitement!
(SOUND
CUE #8:
Fanfare! The sounds of a crowd shouting. [sample]
WIDGET and HAIRYTOES look out
over the audience.)
HAIRYTOES:
Look!
(VILLAGERS enter full of
excitement. TOWN CRIER enters ringing his bell.)
TOWN CRIER:
Hear ye! Hear ye! All hail King Fancy Pants!
(KING FANCY PANTS enters from
behind the audience, standing behind them or in aisle.
VILLAGERS cheer and encourage the audience to join them.)
VILLAGERS:
All hail King Fancy Pants!
(KING FANCY PANTS raises his
hand in acknowledgement.
SOUND CUE ENDS.)
KING FANCY PANTS:
Behold my loyal subjects. The moment of glory is at hand!
The Great Saint George has arrived!
(SAINT GEORGE enters.
VILLAGERS erupt in joy and cheer!
SOUND CUE #9:
Fanfare 2! SAINT GEORGE music. Cavalry charge horns - a
war call! SOUND
CUE ENDS.) [sample]
SAINT GEORGE:
I rise like a Zeus to your call!
Only I can make the beast fall!
I'll stick my spear thru him
Then I'll barbeque him
I'm simply the greatest of all!
Note:
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