(Lights up on the KING Ulster's bedroom where
HE is slumped against a pile of pillows on HIS bed [see Staging
Suggestions]. Jaunty music is heard as HANDMAIDENS flutter
about HIM.)
HANDMAIDEN MARY
Perhaps a sip of tea, my lord?
HANDMAIDEN OLGA
A touch of marmalade?
HANDMAIDEN IDA
Do you like the window shut, dear sir?
MARY
Or shall you have it raised?
IDA
Shall I fluff your pillow up for you?
OLGA
Sometimes you like it flattened.
MARY
Should your egg be soft or hard, kind sir?
IDA
Will you dress in silk or satin?
KING ULSTED
Enough! You little hens peck at me like the
dickens! Off with you now. Off!
(The HANDMAIDENS fall all over themselves
backing away in submission. They back into EDGAR
who stares THEM down; THEY exit in a fit of giggles. EDGAR shows
HARCOURT into the room. GRETA squeezes in behind THEM.)
Edgar, you rascal! Who's that you have
there, is that a new stable boy or kitchen drudge? Take him
away! I have no time for lackeys!
HARCOURT
But, father! I'm Harcourt, your son!
ULSTED
(suddenly frail)
Eh? Eh? Is that my son, home from the sea?
It's been so long I forgotten what he looks like.
HARCOURT
(gullible)
It's Harry father! Don't you recognize me?
ULSTED
Come a little closer, child.
(pulls HIS head near)
Only a true son of Ulsted can stand my kingly breath!
(HE breathes, HARCOURT reels, ULSTED gives HIM
a cuff to the head.)
I'd hoped you might have sprouted a brain between
those ears while you were gone. Of course you're my son,
Harry! My personal royal pain!
EDGAR
I'm afraid the news is not good, sir.
ULSTED
Why am I not surprised?
HARCOURT
All my efforts have come to nothing, father.
I have not found a true princess in all the land.
ULSTED
You mean in my entire kingdom that there is not
one wench good enough for the likes of you?
EDGAR
It's quite disappointing, isn't it, father?
GRETA
It nearly moves me to tears...
ULSTED
Good! You can use the practice for my
funeral. Off with you now, the both of you. I need to
speak to my eldest heir.
(EDGAR and GRETA are offended.)
EDGAR
Surely you don't mean for me to leave,
father. I am your heir as well.
ULSTED
You don't need to remind me, Edgar. I know
the stink of impatience well enough.
(EDGAR and GRETA exit.)
HARCOURT
Really, father. It's too much. Can't
you see how they fawn over you? They are like vultures circling...
ULSTED
Let 'em circle! At least they know how to
follow their conniving little noses! You've circled the world on your
holy quest and come home empty handed. How do you explain
yourself, boy?
HARCOURT
Father, I can marry nothing less than a true
princess. You said so yourself!
ULSTED
Well what the devil were you doing listening to me!
HARCOURT
But you said mother was a true princess...
ULSTED
For glory's sake, boy! She doesn't have to
lay golden eggs. She doesn't have to bleed purple, man!
HARCOURT
I will take the hand of no one but a true princess.
ULSTED
It's like you're made of iron, my son.
(sighing)
Don't you understand? You have to look for
the magic.
HARCOURT
What? What did you say?
ULSTED
It doesn't fall in your lap.
HARCOURT
Someone said that before... About the magic...
ULSTED
It can be in the way she blushes when you say her
name, in the tone of her voice when she sings off-key.
(SOPHIA calls from off stage.)
SOPHIA
Ulsted! It's time for your nap!
ULSTED
Could be the way she frets for your health...
(SOPHIA enters, goes to the window to draw the drapes.)
SOPHIA
That's long enough, Harcourt, I won't have you
wearing him out on your first day home. Everything can't revolve
around you, you know.
(tucking ULSTED in)
Rest now, your highness.
(a peck on the cheek)
ULSTED
(stroking HER hand)
Yes, dear.
SOPHIA
Come along now, Harcourt!
(SOPHIA exits.)
ULSTED
(impish grin)
Sometimes it's the way she bosses you, eh?
You can never really know. But the thing is you've got to look
for it.
HARCOURT
(sighs)
But I have been looking very hard.
ULSTED
(sleepy)
Oh, Harry, you're daft as a barn. Your mother
might as well have the silver engraved in Edgar's name. That is
unless he's stolen it already.
HARCOURT
Sweet dreams, father.
ULSTED
Some people count sheep. I count little
Edgars and Gretas hopping over endless fences, tossing coins like posies...
SOPHIA
(OFF)
Harcourt!
HARCOURT
Yes, mother!
(HARCOURT exits. Lights down.)
